Is it just me or is getting into packaging in hopes of being able to actually use the enclosed product a lot harder than it used to be?
Disclaimer: I am old, but of sound mind (some might disagree) and body. Age may have a little to do with this dilemma, but if at all, it is negligible. For as long as I can remember I have felt that all packaging should be able to be opened by an 80 year-old woman without the use of scissors, hammer, screw driver or a Black and Decker circular saw. I will never be an 80 year-old woman, but I am but a whisper away from being an 80 year-old man and dammit, I can’t get into half the things I buy.
I completely understand and appreciate that manufacturers need to child proof their product as well as safeguard the public from potential tampering. I get it, but that doesn’t mean that it has to be more difficult to break into a product than Fort Knox. OK, let’s take a deep dive into products we love, but hate to get into.
Cereal / cookies / chips: These products aren’t particularly hard to penetrate, but manufactures have done all that they could to ensure they will stay fresh for about three days. You need to remove the entire plastic bag of cereal from the box and grab both sides to break the seal, often causing an explosion of cereal going everywhere but the intended cereal bowl. Good luck in resealing the product.
Pump Bottles: You know what I mean. Bottles of liquid soap, hand cream, etc. with a pump on top to expel the product inside. The problem is figuring out how to get the pump to pump. It looks easy enough. Pull it up – nope. Push it down – nope. Turn it two turns to the left – not yet. To the right – try again. I finally start treating it like I’m breaking into a safe: three turns left, one turn right and pull up. Not yet. I won’t tell you how to get into it, but I will tell you how I found out. The following is a public service announcement: While many people think of You Tube as a place for funny videos, it is truly one of the great inventions of all time. You can find a video of almost anything you could ever imagine. Want to change a carburetor on a 1959 Plymouth Valiant? There’s a video for that. Want to install the mother board of a Radio Shack Tandy 2000 computer? Yep, someone made a video of that. Want to get into that stupid pump bottle you have wrestled with the past half hour? You guessed it, someone with a lot of free time has made a video of that very process. (I used it twice.)
Bottles of vitamins, pills, tablets: All of these have a screw cap that requires a certain amount of dexterity to open, but when opened you are met with a seal that offers the hope of getting into the product with a tee-tiny little tab that one is supposed to somehow place between one’s thumb and forefinger and subsequently freely pull the seal from the bottle. Oh, how they tease us! I have learned over time to avoid the temptation of seeing if I could really get the seal off by simply getting out a knife, nail file, or blunt end of a toothbrush and stabbing the seal. Works every time.
Bottles with “easy lift and peel” technology: This has the same seal as those bottles above but have the added “benefit” of a plastic tab that covers half the opening. Simply grab hold of the tab and easily peel the seal from the bottle. This rarely works. My workaround is pinching the tab with pliers and off it comes. Easy peasy.
Spray Bottles: You know the ones. They work great for a limited period of time and then, when you really need them...nothing. Clogged. You remove the spray gun and try everything you can think of to remove said clog. You rinse out the tube, submerge the entire apparatus in water, put a straight pin in the nozzle, reassemble and guess what? Nothing, nada, no dice. Now what? You look around for another product in a spray bottle and if you’re lucky there’s very little left so you pour that out so you can use that bottle for the product you really need at that time.
Kleenex: I realize this is a brand name, but it is universally accepted as any facial tissue. Great product. Does what it’s supposed to do. Pull one from the box and presto...another one pops up. The machine that makes this work weaves each tissue in a manner that allows this magic to happen...BUT sometimes the weaving machine doesn’t weave and suddenly nothing pops up. This normally happens about two thirds of the way through the box. One’s only recourse is to dive into the box with your forefinger and thumb in hopes of snagging the next tissue in line. This ends in retrieving not one, but a clump of four or five tissues. You take the one you need and leave the remaining clump atop the box.
Zip Lock bags: “Zip not” bags is a better description. These come in all sizes, and the bigger they are the easier it is to actually seal the bag. The “snap and click” sandwich bags would be super if only they snapped and clicked. You try mightily to line up the opposing sides of the bag and marry them together to form a perfect union. Somehow, it’s not as easy as it sounds, so you try numerous techniques to seal the freshness in. I usually start at the very end of the bag in an attempt to get the snap and click that spells success. Then you try to continue the marriage of both sides by sliding your thumb and forefinger down the rest of the bag. OOPS! The bag is still very much open, so on to Plan B by beginning in the middle of the bag. You slide your fingers to the left and right of dead center to find the seal you have remains only in the middle of the bag. It’s much easier to simply eat the sandwich.
Packaging encased in hard plastic: We have all bought a product that comes hermetically sealed in a hard plastic shell guaranteed to remain unscathed in the event of a nuclear attack. I have no idea how the manufacturer wanted us to penetrate this casing. A simple pair of scissors won’t work without ruining the scissors. A knife is useless without potential damage to the product. I’m led to believe that this is to prevent shoplifting, but it also prevents usage of the product. Come on manufacturers, show us some love.
Condiments in fast food restaurants.: Ketchup, mustard, mayo, etc. in tiny plastic pouches with a “tear here” promise of hope. Be honest now. Have you ever gotten into one of these packages without using your teeth? And even then, chances are good you still won’t be successful, so you go on to the next packet. If you finally get in you are left with enough ketchup for about three French fries; hence my preference for Wendy’s where you can pump all the ketchup you want.
OK, that’s my rant. Getting older is hard enough without the commercial world ganging up on us. If we buy your product, it’s because we want to use it. Don’t make it so hard.
Tom Johnson is a Northsider.
