The phone starts to vibrate again on the hotel desk.
Feelings of dread and anxiety start to encompass Jay Ladner as he goes to check who is calling. A small moment of relief comes over as it's not the phone call he was expecting. But that feeling of relief quickly diminishes as Ladner learns for the sixth time in a span of 11 days that another Southern Miss player had called to inform him of the intention to enter the transfer portal.
The phone call Ladner was anticipating was for Southern Miss' Director of Athletics Jeremy McClain to finally inform him that he had been fired after finishing the abysmal 2022 season with a 7-26 mark and 1-17 conference record.
It was almost exactly a year ago last March that Ladner refers to it as, 'One of the darkest weeks of his life' as he now proudly sits on the couch in his office where a newly framed photo that showcases the sellout crowd against Louisiana from earlier this season. That victory was later critical for helping Southern Miss achieve an incredible turnaround season that has included a Sun Belt Regular season title, the most wins in the regular season in program history and a berth to the NIT tournament. Yet any of those achievements were not even thought for Ladner last March.
PARANOIA IN KANSAS CITY
Just after Southern Miss' 2022 season ended, Ladner traveled to Hutchinson, Kansas, to recruit and watch the NJCAA national tournament. From there, he made the three-and-a-half-hour drive to Kansas City to watch his son, Luke, and the rest of the Loyola New Orleans team eventually win the NAIA National Championship tournament.
"I cannot think of another period of my life that I did as much soul searching and praying but also felt the weight of the world," Ladner said. "Maybe it would have been a relief that Jeremy McClain called and said, 'Coach, we're going to move in a different direction. Here's your remaining contract.' That crossed my mind, but I'm not a quitter.
"During that time, I'm in Kansas and I haven't really gotten a vote of confidence yet from our AD, but that was probably just me being a little paranoid."
For about four days, Ladner stayed in Kansas City's Hilton Hotel so he could watch his son's team win at the Municipal Arena, which is just a couple of blocks from his hotel. With each passing day, a new player opted to transfer, and at the same time, Ladner dreaded having to make changes to his coaching staff.
For Ladner, the most rewarding part of coaching is having an impact on a player's life. But despite having numerous players enter the portal, some of which were unexpected, Ladner made the decision not to re-recruit them as he felt it was best to start fresh with players that wanted to be a part of his program. Regardless, the feeling of being a failure began to engulf Ladner because it went against all of his coaching philosophies.
"I feel like I'm getting punched," Ladner said. "It goes against my background and the way I think it should be done. It was almost like I was accepting failure. It was rough, and emotionally I felt like I had failed."
After the news of each player's departure, Ladner regularly called his wife, Jennifer, who couldn't make the trip to Kansas City since she had to work.
"He gets to do a job that is what he loves," Jennifer said. "I do a job that I get paid to do because I get paid to do it. He gets to come every single day and watch kids play ball. It's his life. He gets to work his love.
"A lot of people, me included, if I had been in that situation, I would have walked away at that point. I'm always worried about him, but he's tough and has strong faith. I was worried that he was bothered by it all. But I know he is going to push through."
BEING A DAD
Oddly enough, as Ladner was experiencing the lowest moment of his career, his son, Luke, was experiencing one of his greatest. Luke is adamant that his focus was on his team but that it was hard to ignore what his dad was going through.
"It was one of the most amazing experiences that anybody can ever have," said Luke on his experience winning an NAIA championship. "I knew the tough time that he was going through, but nobody on the outside would have ever known. He was just there as my dad. He wasn't there as 'Coach Ladner' and worried about being fired or whatnot. It was so hard to see him put everything into it, and the results weren't coming out like they wanted it to."
The duo regularly discusses basketball, and between each of Loyola's games, they talked about Ladner's' situation.
"I definitely could feel the stress from him," Luke said. "It was a conversation you didn't want to have. Dad is always pretty frank with everything. He did a good job of separating him being a father and his job during that week, but I saw both sides."
One of the few therapeutic moments for Ladner was watching Loyola's games as it helped him briefly escape, and it reminded him of his love for basketball.
"I was raised that you don't talk about your personal business in the public," Ladner said. "You just smile and don't make other people uncomfortable. Nobody wants to hear your problems. There's a depressing side to that, too, because everything you do is internalized.
"It was like a two or two-and half-hour escape, but I'm always looking at my phone."
IGNORING THE CROWD
Near the Municipal Stadium in Kansas City was a small park/plaza that Ladner regularly took walks around to, 'soul search.'
At the same time, each day, the comments from fans on social media to fire Ladner grew more and more. For Jennifer, Luke and Ladner's daughter, Chelsea, the most frustrating part of Ladner's profession is seeing the constant negative comments on social media.
"He's a man that lives out his passion every day," said Chelsea, who recently welcomed Ladner's first grandchild. "Usually, that's an incredible thing to watch. But because you care so much, and you really love what you do when it's hard, there's an extra bit to it. It feels personal, and it's easy to get really down."
Both his children credit Ladner for trying to separate his home life and work life, but it's a difficult task to do when they run closely together.
"I remember talking to mom and kind of worrying about him because she had been talking about how it had been tough," Chelsea said. "You see him battling (depression). I think he tries really hard to leave it all at the gym. But for almost his entire he has done exactly what he loves to do. It's hard to leave it at the gym. He was worn down physically and mentally is the best way to describe it.
"He is a fighter, and he's a competitor. He's not going to let himself sit in that for too long."
Both Luke and Chelsea admitted to preparing for their dad to be fired, but both were equally as quick to mention that neither doubted his ability to turn things around.
"I always had a little faith in the back of my mind and heart," Luke said. "Jeremy McClain really believes in dad. I've been around him enough. He really supports the coaches. But I would honestly say that I thought (getting fired) was going to happen.
"I never lacked faith in him being able to turn it around because that's what he's always done. There was no doubt in my mind that he could do it. He just never gave up. That's the bottom line. Dad always says to me champions aren't made in easy times. Champions are made when it's tough."
AN UNFORESEEN ENDING
Luke's thought process on Jeremy McClain was correct, and in hindsight, Ladner says he should have realized that his job was safe for another season. Partly because McClain had attended USM's conference tournament game, and looking back, Ladner believes that's when the coaching decision would have been decided.
"I know (Jeremy) was catching a lot of heat," Ladner said. "Jeremy is not going to react quickly. He's going to do what is the right thing, but by the same token, he'll reevaluate at the end of the season, but I hadn't any type of conversation with Jeremy yet."
The next morning after Loyola's championship victory, Ladner flew to Miami to persuade Juan Cardona to join his coaching staff, and then he finally met with McClain for a meeting, which was a welcome relief of news.
"When I went over to his office, he said, 'Jay, there is nobody here that wants you to succeed more than me," Ladner said. "That gave me the booster I needed."
Ladner asked what this season would have to look like for him to come back after 2023, and the answer still surprises him.
"I said, 'Do I have to win the league? Do we have to go to the NCAA tournament? Do we have to go to the NIT? Do we have to have a winning season? What is that specifically?" Ladner recalled. "And his answer was none. 'None of that stuff. We just need to show improvement, and I think you and I will both know what that is.' That was his answer. There was enough pressure for myself. There was no pressure from him.
"If you'd have told me then to fast forward to where we are now, with what happened, I just wouldn't have believed it."
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